My Dark Side Helps Me To Forgive

Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us…

My Dark Side helps me to forgive.

Or maybe I should say “awareness of My Dark Side helps me to forgive”?

I can’t say I’m an expert, that’s not why I started this blog.

I think forgiveness has layers. If someone wrongs you, you have to choose whether or not you want to retaliate.

Someone may say that choosing not to retaliate may be forgiveness… but is it really?

I would like to describe myself as a generally calm person. In fact, I often do! If I’m having a good day or if I am in a situation where I NEED to appear positive a.k.a. job interviews, meeting new people, bla bla bla… I describe myself as someone who is “calm” and can stay “calm” in many situations.

This doesn’t mean that I won’t walk away and spend the next 3 days plotting my imaginary revenge or re-playing countless witty comebacks or even cat fight techniques that I should have thought of hours/days ago.

That’s right, I am not a calm person. I am VERY passive-aggressive!!

But on the outside, I really do look like I have forgiven the person! I look like an angel. And oh, don’t I wish I was :'( sadface.

And no, in my grown up years I can say that I have never gone out specifically with the intent of acting out revenge on an annoying acquaintance/friend/loved one. But I have on many occasions “slipped out” an action, word, face or whatever to portray that I really am not happy and that if I were a little more gutsy, maybe I would have thrown a real temper tantrum and thrown my dinner plate all over said acquaintance/friend/loved ones face!

One thing leads to another, bing bang boom everyone hates each other and we are all throwing imaginary dinner plates across the room.

SNOWBALL.

I’m making it sound funny, but it’s not. Relationships, families, communities, nations have broken down this way throughout the history of humankind. Sorry if I sound like someones Mother right now but hey, it is what it is.

I often think I am good because I haven’t retaliated, I have shown “forgiveness”.

But in the end it always comes out.

Those darn emotions get the better of me again :-s

So, anyway, My Dark Side had a (few) big snowball fight(s) and I’ve had time to recuperate. It is The Thorn In My Flesh. It is there to keep me from being conceited. It is there to remind me that I am flawed, I am weak, I am imperfect. I am reminded every day that I need to forgive or else I should not expect to be forgiven. I am reminded that this is something we all go through and that this is something we all need.

This helps me to forgive much more wholeheartedly than I ever have before.

The very freeing thing about this which I am sure has been said before is that forgiveness makes love so much easier.

I can’t stress this enough to anyone. It allows you to give knowing that what you get in return may not be immediate or perfect, but that’s O.K. because we all have our Thorns to deal with and you are going to be a part of the process.

I don’t think this is something I would be able to feel or understand without having to deal with my own Dark Side.

So there we go. My Dark Side helps me to forgive.

“…my power is made perfect in weakness.”

2 Corinthians 12:9

A little elaboration for you :-)

Quietly thanking God for this, although not rejoicing just yet. This was a friggin hard lesson to learn and I still can’t get it right as often as I should. SMH!

Yours Thankfully,

Smileyface :-)

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. cleopatra
    Sep 02, 2012 @ 18:58:03

    Your post has resonance on the demons i am currently battling to forgive. Why o why is it difficult to forgive? Forgiveness releases the knots that have built up inside my self. By ‘knots’ i mean the stuff that prevents me from being humble, accepting that the faults in others are often present in my character….from which the ‘light’ within me brightens once i do forgive. Like a weight lifted. I could identify when you speak of the demons that are faced when a situation arises. I find that once i acknowledge that there is more to saying sorry but acting on the position of myself in the world as a sinner, yes an imperfect, weak, vulnerable being – to which there are things bigger than myself, worse situations in others lives – change(s) from forgiving can take place. i guess why it takes the ‘bigger person’ to get forgiveness moving; its a journey for everyone and takes time to truly forgive.

    Reply

    • thestoryofmydarkside
      Sep 03, 2012 @ 01:51:18

      Cleo! ;-)
      I don’t know if it is this way for everyone, but I know what stops me from forgiving is almost always pride. No one wants to back down and be the “loser” of whatever the fight may be. We always want to win in the end no matter how pointless it is! It’s part of being a flawed human being. Forgiveness makes you vulnerable. As a nerd, I have to take this back to when our ancestors lived in trees and the consequences of being vulnerable would have been much more harsh and immediate than they are now in modern society!
      One of the reasons why us puny humans need Jesus so much!
      He introduced forgiveness in its purest sense to the world and now that I have started to learn true forgiveness for myself it is making my relationships feel so much more rewarding.
      Thank you so much for your comment by the way! It makes me feel special to see that I have been able to shed light on something for you and spark such a sincere and heartfelt response.
      Much love!

      Reply

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